HALF WAY

One of those days where you'd rather hide from your children and forget you had them, than face the battle of chivvying out of bed and off too school. All too tired after a busy weekend (no I never do learn to leave enough down time). A sigh of relief when the hospital car toots it's horn to pick up those girls who are ready.

Two in today, the youngest having dabbled in pre primary is not to be swayed from her determination to stay safely at home. She at least set to writing out her proposed schedule for the day and resolutely made swift work of her maths and spellings for the day before I disappeared to fulfil my hospice commitments.

My flat state of mind was not helped by my first home visit, where for all my wealth of knowledge, I had no promise of any treatment to offer. He has Parkinson's, which in the UK is bad enough, but here with no medication available he is rapidly trapped in his ageing body. All very well being able to work out what's wrong with him, but I felt miserably inadequate without drugs to help. We at least gave his elderly wife a medical overhaul. She is caring for him alone, unusually their children (who live in the same village) do not offer any support.

The day was no more brighter with the last visit. A lady of indeterminate age, discharged a few days ago from the hospital. She is on treatment for HIV and TB but they had told her she probably has oesophageal cancer. Frankly it probably doesn't matter what cancer she has, she was a living skeleton and in terrible pain. I at least could offer comfort in knowing we could help ease her pain and support her and her family in what inevitably will be her last bit of time.

Back to review some of this week's clinic patients, a bit of teaching and then more home school. Slowly climbing back up from emotional depths of the morning.

B & I gorged on mini mangoes and felt very self satisfied with our work achievements for the day, before I collected the others from school.

And what a difference a day makes, the monsters returned as angels and we have merged into a serene evening. I have morphed from a gloomy fed up mother and doctor into a multitasking super mum. Yep, I can cook supper, make chocolate brownies (it's pudding night), help complete word problems on ratios and proportions, spell check middle child's emails and English homework, hopping over sharp pieces of playmobil and researching questions on the healthcare organisational setup in Tanzania (from a husband with an overflowing brain of blue sky thinking) all at the same time!

Back to earth with a crunch tomorrow morning no doubt.

But for now I shall enjoy my secret supply of fruit & nut chocolate and bask in the words I never thought I'd hear from L "Thank you for bringing me to Africa. I'm glad I have stayed and not made you take me back to England. I feel almost African now". Cue mental fireworks and fanfare.

Today is our official HALF WAY THERE, according to M's calculations, and for now at least it all feels worthwhile.